any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
