Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my liver is dry heaving
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
