Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My room smells like vodka and shame
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
