I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
