I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
