by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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