I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
