Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
