i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
