I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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