He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
