somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
