it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
