Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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