my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
4 words: hood of his car
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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