This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
