I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
