What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
