can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
