yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
