You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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