I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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