I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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