he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
