Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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