I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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