ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
