now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
