Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
