Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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