I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
