He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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