I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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