Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
