I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
