She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
