Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
