he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dicks are not precious.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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