just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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