I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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