my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
