i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
