Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
