i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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