Cold hands, warm shart.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
