Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
