Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
