I'm jealous of your bromance
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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