wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
