I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
