My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
