those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
