im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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