What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
